Acting without Consequences
by Rosaa
Summary: April and Jackson must deal with the aftermath of the events of the wedding. It turns out to be both physically and mentally challenging for the both of them. Post 10x12, mature content.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Revised version. Hope you'll like it. Don't forget to leave a comment.

Chapter one

**_"Can two people really be meant to be? Meant For Each Other. Soul mates. It would be nice if it's true, that we all have someone out there waiting for us. Us waiting for them. _****_I'm just not sure I believe it." -_****_Meredith Grey_**

His fingers digs into my skin and I drew a breath, his touch was burning me. Jackson looks deep into my eyes, his breath is as shallow as mine. Minty breaths hits my face and my entire body is on fire.

"You're drunk." his voice is slurred.

I snort.

"So are you."

Our noses touch, he has a firm grip on my waist. My arms is wrapped around his neck and gently scratch his neck with my nails. He silently moans. I'm playing with fire, oh God let me burn.

When his lips meets mine our bodies melt together. His tongue licks my bottom lips for access and I eagerly open my mouth. His burning touches travels from my waist down my ass and caress it over the thin fabric. As our kiss deepens more and more as his hand moves to the curve of my butt and squeezes my flesh. His fingers moves to the center and caress my lips from behind and groans.

"We need to get you into bed." he groans.

In a swift motion he wraps on arm around my waist and another one under one of my butt cheeks and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around him as he with steady steps carries me into his bedroom and lays me down on his bed. Jackson's soft lips kisses my collarbone and his tongue leaves a wet trail on my skin as his hands are back to their position around my waist. He's positioned between my tights and leaning over my body as his hands slowly moves upward and meets the underside of my chest. My breath is so labored it echoes in the room and I can feel the affect he's having on my body.

His hands moves upwards and covers my breasts and massage them gently with his hands as his lips have moved down to my cleavage and kisses the skin that's revealed by my top.

I sit up and Jackson pauses his contact with my skin. Our eye met and I lowered my hands to rip my shirt off my body. His still meet my gaze after I'd taken my shirt off and in another second his lips met mine again. This kiss was different, not as much filled with lust as the earlier ones, not as eager.

He brakes us apart only to take his shirt off in one swift motion. His chest was heaving with his labored breaths and I had to break our eye contact to admire his muscular chest. When I managed to look away his eyes are firmly on my breasts and he licks his lips.

Jackson's warm fingers wraps around me to find the clasp to my bra and throws it on the floor with our discarded clothes.

A smile formed on my lips and his hands were back on my body. He gently feels the soft skin with his fingers and my hard nipples enjoyed his touch. I laid back down on the bed and he bends down with me and kisses both my breast and takes a nipple into his mouth. A gasp escaped my lips and a moan followed soon after.

He pauses for a second and looks down on me. I'm laying down on his bed as he's towering me.

"You're beautiful." I blush and fight the urge to hide my face in my hands. Jackson bends down again slowly. Our foreheads touch and his hands come up to caress my cheek, it's the most loving touch I've ever received in my life. It's me who moves the last inches to close the distance between our lips. It's also me who deepens the kiss as that unfamiliar feeling comes over my body that tells me I need him even closer. My fingers scratches his scalp and a groan escapes from him. It's like the oxygen that feeds the fire, I need him closer if that is even possible.

His focus dropped lower as he dips his tongue into my bellybutton and started licking and kissing my lower abdomen. Jackson sits up and holds my gaze as his hands gripped my zipper. When I realize he's seeking my approval I nod and lift my hips off the bed as he tugs down my jeans. He kisses my calves as he pulls them over my feet and soon enough they hit the floor.

A sexy grin forms on his lips as he looks down on my panties. His hands gently parts my legs and moves in closer.

"Fuck, April. You're drenched." His voice is deep and sounds both surprised and turned on.

Warm fingers slowly caresses my lips over the thin fabric and I buckle my hips. He does it again slowly and lightly, which only teases my body even more. Then his fingers dig into my hips and peel off my panties as well.

"Make love to me." I whisper.

Jackson stood up on the floor and pulled down his pants together with his boxers. His erection stood proudly and now it was me who had the big grin on my face. He repositioned himself over me and looked deep into my eyes and he caressed my cheek. Our lips met in a slow kiss and I wrapped my arms around him. He rubbed me in all the right places without entering me and my head fell back against the pillow unable to focus on anything but his touches.

After a while a sheen of sweat was covering our bodies and he kissed my neck as he wrapped his arms around me to flip us over. His hands we're firm on my hips as he guided my motions.

This was so different from many of our earlier encounters. Freeing almost. For once we were on the same page knowing what to expect from each other. Even though our actions were driven from lust we had an emotional connection we always lacked.

Soon enough I could feel a pressure building and my breath was shallow until I froze in pleasure. Somewhere in a distance I could hear Jackson calling my name as he climaxed. The sheet tight around my body I laid down beside Jackson.

We both try to catch our breaths as we lay side by side not really touching each other. The taste of alcohol is still evident in my mouth and the ceiling is slightly spinning as I look up. When I turn my head he's studying my face.

"Did you mean it?" he asks after a moment of silence.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

"It's okay. We both screwed up pretty bad the first time." I give him a small smile.

Far away in the distance I can hear my phone buzzing from inside my bag.

While our actions feeling freeing they definitely had their consequences as we both would be painfully aware of.

I capture his lips with mine and move back on top of him. I grind myself down on him in an effort to wake is body back up. I'm pleased when I can feel the answer to my hopes hard against myself.

"What are you doing?" he breaks our kiss and caress my cheek lightly and searching deep into my eyes.

"Distract me, please. Just made me forget about breaking his heart for tonight." I beg him. Much of his body is limp in my grasp for a few moments, then I feel him responding to my touch and I no longer hear my vibrating phone in the other room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_**"So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide." – Meredith Grey**_

When I wake up Jackson is sound asleep and breathing heavy into my hair. His arm is draped over my waist and something very familiar is poking my butt. When I try to get out of bed his grasp on me tightens and my back is pressed firmly against his body. He feels hot and muscular and I can't help but smile. How long have I not wanted to wake up like this?

"Good morning," he groans into my hair and kisses my neck. "where do you think you're going, missy?"

I turn around to face him and laugh. Jackson wraps his arms around me and pull me on top of him and give me a quick peck on the lips. Our new found contact makes me forget that I woke up to use the restroom. Jackson pulls the cover over our naked bodies and I get comfortable in his embrace.

"What happened last night?"

My throat becomes dry, I stay quiet.

"This is a first." my voice is thick like it always is when I first wake up.

"What is?" his finger traces patterns on my back and I shiver from enjoyment.

"Waking up like this. We never really did this even when we were dating." When I think back, most of our sex life took place in on call rooms as a stress reliever at work.

He kisses the top of my head.

"I can't think of a better way to wake up."

I wordlessly agree and rolls off him to sit next to him to bring up the topic that's been burning inside my head. He can tell, because he also sits up a bit straighter.

"This, us, I don't want it to be like the last time."

"No, me neither," Jackson's quiet for a moment before he meets my gaze. "nevertheless I think there's no way we could sneak around after yesterday." he chuckles. I don't join him.

"What is this we're doing then?" I realize how much I need for us to put a label on our relationship compared to a year ago. Then I was fine with non-committantly call us dating and we never really discussed it any further than that. I'd never once referred to him as _mine_ in any way, or that we had any obligations to each other. Not until after we ended whatever it was and I had a name for him all the sudden. _My ex_. It had always tasted bitter on my tongue to say.

"Dating?" he says it more as a question than an answer.

Not entirely pleased with his answer I ask, "Exclusively?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Okay." I nod. I don't know what I actually wanted him to say. I got what I wanted, a label – boyfriend and girlfriend. I couldn't explain why that didn't feel enough all the sudden.

"Hey," Jackson tilts my chin for me to look at him. "April, I want to have a life with you, a future. Whatever that might be, I'm in. This is not just some casual fling to me, we're the real deal here."

He grins. This time it is me that kiss him hard and his words brings me the warm fuzzy feelings I was looking for.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way." I copy his words and laugh. Jackson grabs me under my kneecaps and pulls me down on the bed.

"Haha, smarty pants aren't you funny?" He settles between my legs and nibbles on my earlobe before we finally kiss again. Only this time we don't stop.

After spending enough time just cuddling and caressing each other in bed my bladder reminds me of why I once woke up anyway. I find my underwear and Jackson's shirt crumpled on the floor as I leave Jackson in bed and sneak out in the corridor. I'm relieved when there's no sign of Alex as I lazily move down to the kitchen. I start the coffeemaker and find some painkillers to ease my hangover.

"Come back to bed." I hear Jackson groan. He's leaning in the doorway and look as hungover as I feel. He's only wearing his workout shorts and I take a second to admire the view.

I find my bag tossed carelessly in the hallway. The small light blinks to indicate that there's missed calls and texts on my phone. Most of them are from Arizona and have been left yesterday. One or two are from my sisters but I'm still upset with them so I don't even care to read them.

"Are you okay?"

I find Jackson still standing in the hallway observing me with a concerned look.

"Mm-hm." I plaster a smile on my face as I send a text to Arizona confirming her hopes that I'm with Jackson and not in a ditch somewhere. I leave my stuff in the hallway and enter the kitchen again. I put down bread in the toaster and put out the cheese and bread on the table and look through the kitchen for utensils. Jackson rubs his eyes and stretches his body to wake himself up.

"Do you want me to speak with Matthew?"

"Don't you think you've done enough?" it comes out harsher then I intended and I regret my choice of words immediately. He stops in his steps to help me in the kitchen and frowns at me. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that." I bite my lip and hopes he'll drop the subject.

"Are we ever going to talk about this? Because you keep avoiding the subject."

I have to stand on my toes to reach the coffee cups and deliberately arch my back on the way back to push out my butt. I'm all for distracting tactics.

Unfortunately when I turn around his gaze is firmly on my face and he's having none of it. The seductive smile I planted on my lips fall and I let out a heavy sigh. I resort to my other plan.

"I picked you. End of discussion." I don't look at him, my focus is on pouring my coffee and finding milk in the refrigerator. I quickly glance at the expiration date and open the carton to smell check it. A foul smell hits my nose, it comes out in clumps as I pour it out in the sink.

"So you just want to ignore it? Never speak of it again? See you didn't exactly _pick me_ per say, you just showed up here last night without any warning so drunk you were barely conscious."

He was holding onto the back of the chair, his knuckles were white. For ones I appreciated that we had the distance of the dinner table between us. My bottom lip sank between my teeth and my other hand gripped my wrist to massage it.

"There's not much to say… I'm here instead of my honeymoon suite, aren't I?"

"Stop it. Don't do that, pretend like it's not important."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do!" His loud voice echoes in the empty house.

I take a deep breath and cross my arms in front of me.

"You have the worst timing in the world, okay? I'd given you chance after chance to stop me and change my mind and you didn't take it. I saw you the freaking morning of the wedding and you don't say a thing, and then you stand up at the wedding in front of everyone I know and tell me you love me?!"

This time it is Jackson that breaks our eye contact and releases his hard grip of the chair.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but what the heck?" I continue. "I'd convinced myself that being your best friend was enough and then you put me in the position of picking between the two of you in public? You knew I was going to pick you, so what was that, some sort of peeing contest to show Matthew you won?"

He quietly accepted the mug of coffee I handed him and we both sat down. I held the mug with both hands for the heat to warm my hands and swallowed the milk less liquid. Jackson did the same quietly without responding to my outburst.

"Why didn't you tell me… before?" I whispered and broke the silence.

"We want – wanted, different things. I actually meant what I said when we thought you might be pregnant. About settling down and all that, but it became so clear from your reaction that you were so far from ready that you could be. Then it just hit me how different we viewed our relationship, or lack off. I mean, every time I even mentioned having feelings about us, you initial reaction was always shocked and it felt so… condescending."

I put my hands over his on the table and tried to give him a look that told him how sorry I was for making him feel like that. It just became clear to me how much effort we needed to put in to make our relationship work. Both of us had our issues that could become big misunderstandings, the only thing that came easy for us was the physical aspect.

"During surgery today I came to think about the last thing Slone said to me about telling people how you feel without thinking about the consequences. Then at the wedding it hit me that we're finally in the same place and I couldn't let you go through with it before telling you how I felt. I wasn't really thinking about the consequences. I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way, I though we both were finally happy until I realized how Stephanie was just a distraction. Nothing could be as bad as witnessing you marrying him." Jackson swallowed hard and studied our joined hands.

"Thank you for telling me that."

He looked up at me and gave me a small smile.

"I think that's enough talking for right now. Come, I have a better idea of what we could do."

I couldn't help but laugh.

**Make sure to leave a review, I appreciate any kind of feedback! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

"_**At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away."**_ _**– Meredith Grey**_

Jackson takes my hand and leads me into the living room where he pulls me down with him on the couch.

I know somewhere in the background Jackson put on a movie for us to watch but it became unbearable to focus on with his bare chest against me. My fingers stroke his unshaven cheek and he moves excruciatingly slow to close the distance between us. When our lips finally touch my body is on fire. His hands caressed my waist although above my shirt, something I quickly wanted to change. He kissed me leisurely and let his hands wander down to the exposed skin on my stomach.

This time we both take our time to explore each other's bodies and I'm beyond worked up when Jackson decides to cover me with wet kisses wherever he can reach. I squirm against him, wanting to find friction. Jackson chuckle slightly and continue his sweet form of torture.

I lean back against the couch and close my eyes as Jackson's hands trails along my hips. His hot breath hits me between my legs and my entire body awakes and yearns for some form of relief. Unfortunately so does my mind as I'm not exactly sure how comfortable I am with this new introduction in our intimacy.

"Relax April." his voice is soft as silk.

His green eyes looks up from between my thighs and gently stroke my rigid body to soften. Much like yesterday he's asking for my permission and giving me an out. Only this time his gorgeous eyes are begging me to letting him go further. Another one of his breaths hits my sweet spot and my legs falls apart. He takes it as approval and gently kisses the inside of my legs to prepare me for what to come.

As if anything could. When his tongue meets my hot flesh my eyes roll to the back of my head and I fall back on the couch yet again. Sooner than I would like to admit I arch my back and press my legs together urging Jackson on. My fingers scratch his scalp as he continues his movements to let me ride out the waves of pleasure.

When I open my eyes and my breathing is somewhat back to normal he's watching me intently. I begin to feel self-conscious before he notice my gaze and gives me the most genuine smile and lies back down on top of me. He kisses me quickly on the cheek and rests his forehead against mine briefly before he embraces me.

We stay silent as we move on the couch and I rest my head against his chest as I'm pressed against the back of the furniture. Jackson's hands finds their way to my hair and let the locks fall through his fingers as I listen to his heartbeat. The guilt that plagued both of us the night before was completely gone. We've both come to terms with our actions and whatever consequences we might face. It was all worth it if this was where we would end up.

I hitched my leg higher around his hips to become more comfortable against the couch cushions. A groan from Jackson made me freeze my motions and I became aware of his state of arousal that was still apparent in his pants.

"I wouldn't mind taking care of that." I smiled.

He shook his head. Without much effort he flips me over so his body covered mine, I was very well aware that he removed any contact I'd had with his groin.

"This was not supposed to be about me." he mumbled against my lips and kissed me passionately. I didn't find the strength in me to argue, and honestly I don't think anyone in my position would blame me for it.

Just as I was getting into our touches Jackson broke our kiss and looked down at me with mischievous grin.

"What?" I laughed.

"You're so cute I could eat you up!" He then dove down and nibbled gently on my collarbone and started tickling me.

"Jack-son… ahhh... st-stop… mercy… mercy!" I begged between my laughter.

"Jesus Christ, I eat breakfast on that couch guys!"

The sound of another person make us both stiff our movements. Slowly I peeked over Jackson's shoulder and see Alex standing in the doorway, his eyes are covered by his hand but there is smile on his face even if he was fighting it.

"Alex get out of here." Jackson yells and leans down on my shoulder and let out a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be at Jo's. You owe me big time!" Alex shouts back as he exited through the front door.

We both laughed in embarrassment for a moment.

"What's gotten into him? He was never one to flee the scene before."

Jackson bit down on his lip and avoided eye contact with me.

"I might've broke up with Stephanie during the ceremony of your wedding," he grimaced.

"Oh… I see." I feel a similar expression to his on my face. The interns all live together and I understood if that house might not be the happiest place to be at right now.

"Speaking of that, what happened with Matthew yesterday?" Jackson's face turned sour simply from saying his name.

"I would like to say it was a mutual decision not to go forward with the wedding." I could tell Jackson knew that I was glossing over the truth.

(***)

"_I love you April. I always have, I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like I love, and I want you with me. I love you and I think that you love me too. Do you?"_

Jackson's voice echoed in the barn and his green eyes looked at me intensely. I feel myself freeze as I try to process his words. At first I think I've gone mad but the reactions from the other guests suggest they heard it too.

So many questions fills my head.

_He loves me? _

_Now? _

_He's telling me this now? _

_In front of everyone I know?_

My head tells me the logical choice was Matthew. He had everything I'd ever wanted in a husband and as a father to my future children. Similar values and background and we almost never disagreed. Being with him was comfortable. He was my twin in many ways, what I'd always pictured as my perfect match. _Before Jackson._

My heart had a different idea, it longed for Jackson. It had for a long time even if I'd tried to deny it. We always challenged each other and we disagreed and bickered more than anything else, but we had passion. Something Matthew and I always lacked. I'd known it from the first time Matthew kissed me. I never felt the physical need to be close to him like I did with Jackson. I didn't want something comfortable, I wanted Jackson.

Everyone was waiting for me to react, to show some form of emotion. Only I didn't know how to react appropriately. I didn't know what to do. Shock was the only thing that was filled my system. Unfortunately not the adrenaline filled one that would help me act, more similarly the feeling of being a deer caught in headlights. _Don't move and you might survive._

My lungs screamed for air, it was as if something punched it all out of me.

"April?" I hear a voice beside me and see Matthew talking to me. My mouth is still open in surprise and I realize I must look like a goldfish so I close it shut.

I make my living on making life threatening decisions every day under pressure, something I also thrive myself on being good at. How come I can never do the same in my personal life?

Matthew simply looks at me. Whatever he might have said earlier is forever lost.

"Matthew-" I want to explain myself. I want to apologize.

"Just go."

"Excuse me?"

"Go April. There's nothing stopping you now. We both knew you would pick him in the end." His tone is harsh and disgusted. He's gaze doesn't meet my eyes.

Before any more words are exchanged Arizona pulls me away from Matthew. I open my mouth to protest, or at least give him some parting words. However nothing coherent comes out and my mind is just as blank as before. He won't even look at me which hurts beyond words. Our steps leads me to the dressing room. I blink and try to make sense of the last two minutes of my life. A healthy glass of champagne is put in my hands.

"Here, drink it all."

I hear Christina and Meredith enter the dressing room.

"Seriously?" Meredith gives Christina a knowing look.

"Seriously." Christina responds and lifts her flute of champagne as if she was toasting.

Arizona brings me the opened bottle and refills my glass before she sinks down on the seat next to me.

"I thought you'd planned for this?"

"Your escape plan, yes. Not that Pretty Boy would grow a pair during the ceremony." Christina replies.

I was drinking too fast, if there was such a thing after the event that I just experienced. My gums were tingling and the sensation that I was living in slow motion started creeping up on me. No one seemed that surprised when I started giggling and slouched back in my chair. When my giggling later turn to hysteric laughter I thought I detected a worried look on someone's face. However I was too tipsy to focus my gaze to see whom it belonged to and neither of my bridesmaids seemed to mind when I refilled my glass.

"Wait!" my loud voice seems to make everyone freeze in the room. "Where's Jackson?"

I look intently at Arizona hoping she'll give me the answer I'm looking for. Her lips forms a tight line and the silence tells me what I didn't want to hear. I stand up and immediately start pulling in my dress which now feels as tight as a second skin I need to loose.

"Help me get out of this." I demanded while still tugging on the fabric. Several hands replaced my own and I cursed myself for the choice of corset I'd chosen to wear underneath my dress. While it would have been a preferred choice for Matthew and I to start our wedding night with because of the sheer number of buttons would force us to slow it down, it had the opposite desired effect when chasing after the man you loved.

My bridesmaids halfheartedly protested as I hurried out the door with the champagne bottle in a tight grip. None of them actually stopped me from leaving and I knew it was mostly for show. While I wasn't sure if any of them actually supported my actions they had enough baggage of their own to know when they were being hypocritical.

It wasn't until I exited the building I understood just how much time I'd wasted. The sun was beginning to set and the cold air felt comfortable against my overheated body. It was with unsteady steps I hurried down the road. The taxi driver glanced at me once or twice in the rearview mirror as I nursed the bottle in my lap. He didn't seem to care mush about my state as soon as I threw him enough money to cover my fair.

The house was dark and there was no sign that he would be home when I arrived to his address. For a while I just stood outside and finished the last of the champagne. _Liquid courage_, I excused myself. My gaze was unsteady and I've lost the ability to actually taste the alcohol many sips ago. The bottle falls out of my grasp as I focus on walking the last few steps to his door.

It feels like an eternity passed before someone comes and opens the door. Jackson stops in the doorway when he sees me. It's clear I'm not the one he was expected to see. I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm a happy surprise. I close my eyes and gather my thoughts for a second. He's no longer in the formal attire from the wedding and has changed into jeans and a t-shirt. He looks as worn out as I feel.

"Hi." I whisper.

"April?" he looks up and meet my eyes. I'm positive he's never looked as beautiful as in that moment. His eyes that have always mesmerized me are burning into me in wonder. Every muscle is visible under his shirt and I want nothing more than to fall into his embrace and stay there. Like a magnet I never seem to get away from him even if I would want to. I've accepted that this is where I belong, I've just waited for him to feel the same.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I was somewhat preoccupied." I give him a small smile. Every word is an effort to utter in my drunken state. He gives me no other reaction than blinking a few times. It's first then I realize that Jackson is possibly as drunk as me, his eyes are glossy and slightly red. He quickly wipes his cheek with the back of his hand. It becomes apparent to me that the reason I'm here might not be as obvious to him.

I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his neck. It takes him a while to respond, but when he do, he wraps his arms around my waist. I let out a breath in relief but it doesn't go unnoticed by me that he didn't close the final distance between us. I close my eyes and lean into his body, his fingers tightens their grip around me and it's like I can finally breathe again. His scent invades my nose as I lean into his ear and whisper what I think I've always known.

_I love you too._

My feet no longer touched the ground.

**A/N: And now we've come full circle. I hoped you'd like it and don't forget to leave a comment if you did. Thanks to everyone who'd showed their support. Only another week to go before we find out what really happens, I'm going to make sure to keep my tissues close by.**


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